Easter
I saw something yesterday online and I screenshot it so I could come back and reflect on it. It was posted by the church we attended when we lived in New Jersey forever ago. "Pray that Easter wouldn't be empty to you this year. Pray that instead of going through the motions of another holiday, you'd truly meet with God and find hope in Him."
So I prayed that - a couple times yesterday knowing that like all holidays - they are rough. Not only does Mike work all of them, but our kids either don't understand or obsess about it to the point of making themselves cry. This year has been hard already. We have been dealing with ridiculous behaviors that have left holes in our walls, terrible migraines and a whole bunch of other stuff. In the past three weeks, Grayson has had severe strep throat that landed him in the ER, Grayson had a sedated MRI, Easton was sick twice, Grayson had to come home from school because of severe constipation, I had to take him to the ER again because he needed six stitches in his finger, Mike was sick twice and I had to go to the ER because I was severely dehydrated with a stomach bug. What we need is a day of rest, a day of celebration, all things that I wanted for this weekend but I wasn't sure it would happen.
I started my Easter today being awake pretty much all night with a fussy Jovie. I held her all night and we both got very little sleep. I was too tired to put the Easter baskets out last night - but I didn't really go all out this year because we don't need any more "stuff." I bought each kid a book and some candy that I know they each like. After I put those items out on the table, Easton flipped out. Total screaming meltdown. Grayson walked by and didn't even bat an eye. Jovie seemed somewhat interested. We ended up having to put the items away because they upset Easton so much. While I didn't get a lot for my kids, each thing was picked out in love. Mike reminded me that it's autism, but it still felt like a knife in my stomach.
We had the best Easters growing up. I have nothing but fond memories of Easter baskets filled to the brim with all sorts of goodies and fun Easter egg hunts around the family room. But that isn't our reality. I am not sure how to cultivate that in our home - it's not for lack of trying.
We ended up skipping church today because we had a sick kid on Friday (yeah - AGAIN with the sickness - so over it!) so I ran out to the store to gather a couple of things and the cashier asked me if I was ready for today. Ready for what? We don’t have any plans. So that's what I said but I said it kindly. I didn't tell her about the rest of the stuff - the autism, the meltdowns, etc. And she wished me a peaceful day - and I waited until I got out to my car to cry. WHAT IS PEACEFUL?
I am not sure why everything has to be so hard. But it is. I will spend my day doing what I always do. Fixing medication dosages for the week, doing endless loads of laundry, changing a ridiculous amount of diapers, scrubbing Gray from head to toe every time he comes out from the mud puddle in our backyard, doling out any number of applesauce packets, trying to clean which is pretty much pointless. But I wish we had good health, nice clothes for the kids for Easter morning including a pretty dress for Jovie, nice family pictures, a fun egg hunt and a lot of laughter - like what I am hearing and seeing in my neighborhood today.
So that prayer that I have been praying? Yeah, I don't know.
So I prayed that - a couple times yesterday knowing that like all holidays - they are rough. Not only does Mike work all of them, but our kids either don't understand or obsess about it to the point of making themselves cry. This year has been hard already. We have been dealing with ridiculous behaviors that have left holes in our walls, terrible migraines and a whole bunch of other stuff. In the past three weeks, Grayson has had severe strep throat that landed him in the ER, Grayson had a sedated MRI, Easton was sick twice, Grayson had to come home from school because of severe constipation, I had to take him to the ER again because he needed six stitches in his finger, Mike was sick twice and I had to go to the ER because I was severely dehydrated with a stomach bug. What we need is a day of rest, a day of celebration, all things that I wanted for this weekend but I wasn't sure it would happen.
I started my Easter today being awake pretty much all night with a fussy Jovie. I held her all night and we both got very little sleep. I was too tired to put the Easter baskets out last night - but I didn't really go all out this year because we don't need any more "stuff." I bought each kid a book and some candy that I know they each like. After I put those items out on the table, Easton flipped out. Total screaming meltdown. Grayson walked by and didn't even bat an eye. Jovie seemed somewhat interested. We ended up having to put the items away because they upset Easton so much. While I didn't get a lot for my kids, each thing was picked out in love. Mike reminded me that it's autism, but it still felt like a knife in my stomach.
We had the best Easters growing up. I have nothing but fond memories of Easter baskets filled to the brim with all sorts of goodies and fun Easter egg hunts around the family room. But that isn't our reality. I am not sure how to cultivate that in our home - it's not for lack of trying.
We ended up skipping church today because we had a sick kid on Friday (yeah - AGAIN with the sickness - so over it!) so I ran out to the store to gather a couple of things and the cashier asked me if I was ready for today. Ready for what? We don’t have any plans. So that's what I said but I said it kindly. I didn't tell her about the rest of the stuff - the autism, the meltdowns, etc. And she wished me a peaceful day - and I waited until I got out to my car to cry. WHAT IS PEACEFUL?
I am not sure why everything has to be so hard. But it is. I will spend my day doing what I always do. Fixing medication dosages for the week, doing endless loads of laundry, changing a ridiculous amount of diapers, scrubbing Gray from head to toe every time he comes out from the mud puddle in our backyard, doling out any number of applesauce packets, trying to clean which is pretty much pointless. But I wish we had good health, nice clothes for the kids for Easter morning including a pretty dress for Jovie, nice family pictures, a fun egg hunt and a lot of laughter - like what I am hearing and seeing in my neighborhood today.
So that prayer that I have been praying? Yeah, I don't know.
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