Looking Back and Moving Forward

In years past, I have looked at the year I just lived and disparaged every part of it. I was doing the same old things I have been doing for the past decade. Every year seemed like I was living the same year yet again because every day was like Groundhog's Day. Wake up, take care of children, change a lot of diapers, manage bodily fluids, make sure everyone stays alive, try to be a good mom and wife, forget about being a friend at all, clean up messes that just occur again, go to bed, get two hours of sleep, wake up and start all over again.

But this year was different. I started my year like that, but I didn't end it that way.

I think the whole year changed when we pulled Grayson from school and sent him to full-time ABA therapy. It was a huge change in perspective for me - where I once saw the school district administration as my ally - I was now seeing it as a force working directly against me. Suddenly the support system from Grayson's school that had surrounded us over the past five years of Grayson's schooling was gone - through no fault of their own. (They are all still here for us - still cheering us on but in a different capacity!)

Then I received my Lynch Syndrome diagnosis, and that rocked my world. I have come to terms with it since then, but at the time it was really so hard. I was battling severely low iron levels and barely functioning even after having a number of ferritin infusions. I started losing my hair, and the anxiety from the battle with the school wasn't helping matters. I didn't realize how sick I really was, until now that I am feeling better than I have in years. I am seeing how that really took a toll on everything.

But we made it through those impossible winter months. And then spring - when I interviewed for my current job. And before I knew it I was working part-time all summer. What a change that was! Back in the workforce after a decade of being home. Working for a church again. Having Grayson at therapy all summer long was a game changer for us. We did schedule plenty of time throughout the summer for him to have breaks, but he really just does better on a schedule. 

Working for a church has been good for me in many ways - I am being continually ministered to by the parishoners. They don't even really know how much they have touched my life, how much they have helped heal a part of my heart that was so lonely and isolated for so long.

The summer also brought a perfectly timed trip to the lake with two of my dearest friends and all of our daughters. I was so tired and felt so awful but it was the fun I needed before I faced the unknown in the month to come.

In August I had surgery, and I came away from that experience a person who is forever changed. As I have continued to heal over the last several months, I just feel so much better. I cannot even put into words just how great it has been - I feel like I must capitalize on every second of every day.

In October I had the opportunity of a lifetime and spent the weekend in Texas visiting my cousin Jennifer and her husband JT. It was the first time in eleven years that I had spent more than 24 hours by myself away from my children and out of state! It was the trip of a lifetime, and I will always remember how much fun I had with my sweet cousin and how much we laughed. It was so good for the soul.

So all in all, 2023 was a year of healing for me. As we move into 2024, Proverbs 14:1 has really been sticking with me - I can't seem to shake it - "The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down."

I feel like I am learning that lesson right now as I look back at this past year and see all the mistakes I have made, and I am determined to make things right. I am forever thankful for the opportunity to "build my house." My mom has done a great job of modeling the "wise woman builds her house" part of the verse, and I strive to be more like her in the intentional way she approaches every thing. I am thankful for her leading - she has no idea just how much!

So yeah. 

All in all I am thankful for this year. I will not disparage the past year as I have done every year prior. 

It's been a good year in many ways and I am hopeful for 2024.

How was your year?

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If you have a minute check out this post from 11 years ago! - 2012 | A Year in Review (smithfamilyhighjinks.blogspot.com)