You've got a friend in me...

Right now Grayson's favorite movie to stim to is the first Toy Story. When he's home, he's constantly playing it on his Kindle. He can't just listen and watch the movie - he adjusts the speeds so they are talking fast or really super slow. Usually, I can tune it out. But the other day he was listening to it in the car on the loudest setting possible - I swear our family out of state could probably hear it - when You've Got a Friend In Me came on. These lyrics struck me:

But none of them will ever love you

The way I do

It's me and you, boy

And as the years go by

Our friendship will never die

You're gonna see it's our destiny

You've got a friend in me

It made me smile. It also made me think about my relationship with Grayson. He will more than likely always continue to live with Mike and me. It's hard to think about that being the reality when he's just a kid, but this kid is going to grow up someday. A lot of the time it's daunting to consider our future, and it terrifies me. I don't know what its going to look like. Where we are going to be - what our health is going to look like - will we be capable? - all of these unknowns can overwhelm me quickly. 

I had a little bit of a gut punch this week when I saw that Grayson will begin to work on folding washcloths in school. A life skill! That will build on itself! Something I can practice with him! Maybe that can be the start of a task or a job for him someday! I was pretty excited by all this but then I was reminded...He's in fourth grade, and he's folding washcloths. He's not doing the stuff typical fourth graders are doing. I was reminded once again how different our life is.

But I had a perspective shift when I was at the pharmacy this afternoon, I had Grayson with me. He kept pulling his shirt up to expose his stomach and making movements like he was going to elope down a hallway. I just chatted with him trying to de-escalate him, while we garnered stares from pretty much everyone around us. Everyone was very nice, but he was definitely making a bit of a scene. When I went to check out, he stood next to me and put his hands on my neck - something I do NOT like and discourage him from doing. 

Then I looked down at him (but not too far down) as I redirected him (he will be my height before I know it) and he crossed his eyes at me. I said, "Please don't cross your eyes at me. You know I don't like it." He giggled. Then he stuck his tongue out at me and wagged it around - standing on his tiptoes to get in my face. I just laughed!And then he laughed his sweet wonderful laugh.  

I want to commit this to memory forever - so that's why I am writing it down. 

He was just a kid being a kid. Sometimes I forget this. Sometimes I take Grayson for granted I think. Sometimes I stress too much about what he's not doing. I worry way too much about the future. Sometimes I mourn the autism too much and I don't get to see the bright, funny, goofy boy standing by my side. He will be by my side for the rest of my life, and the privilege and honor of having him in my life is not lost on me. My forever friend. My boy.

It's our destiny after all.