Life lately.
January was the longest month. We had a good deal of sickness and too many days off because of snow and frigid temperatures. Grayson's behavior was difficult to manage - and that's probably an understatement if I am being completely honest. He has been suffering from what we believe are migraines, and his many meltdowns have destroyed the walls of his bedroom no thanks to kicking, headbanging and punching.
I made an emergency appointment with his developmental pediatrician. We adjusted some of his medications and took him off another one completely. She referred him to a pediatric neurologist, and she believes they will need to do a sedated MRI on him to rule out any underlying issues. Our consultation is next week, so prayers are appreciated!
My days and nights are ruled by autism. When Grayson is at school, I am dealing with paperwork, setting up appointments and catching Mike up on everything going on. My heart stops every time I get a phone call or a text message because more often than not, it's the school or the bus garage and there is an issue. Easton is another story altogether, and when I am not focused on Grayson, I am thinking about Easton and if he should be transitioned to kindergarten for the school year - and at this point we are learning towards no. And we can't forget about Jovie, as I watch her with an eagle eye wondering if the signs of autism will present in her.
At night I can't sleep but mainly because I don't sleep in my bed. Grayson has taken my place there, and I am on the couch where Easton usually ends up laying on top of me. He seems to have something akin to night terrors so every few nights we are awake while he rages and I am powerless to calm him. Thank heavens for sweet Jovie who sleeps so well in her crib every single night. I count it good if I get more than four hours a sleep a night.
Second shift living is really difficult, and I do not recommend it to anyone. But it's our new normal. Mike is really liking his new assignment, which is really wonderful! But I am struggling as everything else ends up on my shoulders. Because of a shift in his days off, I will now be taking both boys to therapy by myself. I handle most school drop offs and all the pick ups. All the after school stuff, all the dinner planning and making (which I DESPISE for the record), all the baths, all the discipline and the goodnight routines and all the screaming meltdowns. I remember this from when we just had two that were much younger, but this is way harder.
All this to say, this is HARD, BUT my kids are my everything. Do I even really need to say that? I feel like lately if I say anything - people think I am dissing my kids!!! NO WAY. They are the best. While I complain and struggle immensely with the minutiae of every day life and dealing with behaviors, it doesn't really have much to do with THEM but more me.
I have had a lot of REALLY hard talks with God, where I have laid it out. I have told Mike a million times that this is too hard and I quit. I am really angry about a lot of things. But I am taking steps. I read a book called Aching Joy by Jason Hague that has changed my life. I am trying to put self care as a priority. I have started watching what I am eating and have lost a good deal of weight. In the mornings if the weather is nice, I try to sneak out for a 20 minute walk around the neighborhood before Mike leaves for work.
And that is life lately.
I made an emergency appointment with his developmental pediatrician. We adjusted some of his medications and took him off another one completely. She referred him to a pediatric neurologist, and she believes they will need to do a sedated MRI on him to rule out any underlying issues. Our consultation is next week, so prayers are appreciated!
My days and nights are ruled by autism. When Grayson is at school, I am dealing with paperwork, setting up appointments and catching Mike up on everything going on. My heart stops every time I get a phone call or a text message because more often than not, it's the school or the bus garage and there is an issue. Easton is another story altogether, and when I am not focused on Grayson, I am thinking about Easton and if he should be transitioned to kindergarten for the school year - and at this point we are learning towards no. And we can't forget about Jovie, as I watch her with an eagle eye wondering if the signs of autism will present in her.
At night I can't sleep but mainly because I don't sleep in my bed. Grayson has taken my place there, and I am on the couch where Easton usually ends up laying on top of me. He seems to have something akin to night terrors so every few nights we are awake while he rages and I am powerless to calm him. Thank heavens for sweet Jovie who sleeps so well in her crib every single night. I count it good if I get more than four hours a sleep a night.
Second shift living is really difficult, and I do not recommend it to anyone. But it's our new normal. Mike is really liking his new assignment, which is really wonderful! But I am struggling as everything else ends up on my shoulders. Because of a shift in his days off, I will now be taking both boys to therapy by myself. I handle most school drop offs and all the pick ups. All the after school stuff, all the dinner planning and making (which I DESPISE for the record), all the baths, all the discipline and the goodnight routines and all the screaming meltdowns. I remember this from when we just had two that were much younger, but this is way harder.
All this to say, this is HARD, BUT my kids are my everything. Do I even really need to say that? I feel like lately if I say anything - people think I am dissing my kids!!! NO WAY. They are the best. While I complain and struggle immensely with the minutiae of every day life and dealing with behaviors, it doesn't really have much to do with THEM but more me.
I have had a lot of REALLY hard talks with God, where I have laid it out. I have told Mike a million times that this is too hard and I quit. I am really angry about a lot of things. But I am taking steps. I read a book called Aching Joy by Jason Hague that has changed my life. I am trying to put self care as a priority. I have started watching what I am eating and have lost a good deal of weight. In the mornings if the weather is nice, I try to sneak out for a 20 minute walk around the neighborhood before Mike leaves for work.
And that is life lately.
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