Our Christmas Looks Different

Each family has their own traditions, their own way of doing things. Mike and I haven't quite mastered traditions in the 12 years we have been married. It's not because we haven't tried - but its more because of lack of finances and Mike's work schedule. Now that we have three kids - things are really out of whack. We have talked to death about what we can do with our kids to make Christmas a magical time for them. What parent doesn't want that for their kids? Somehow pulling it all off is where the trouble lies.

Yesterday as I scrolled through Facebook and Instagram pictures of happy families dressed in matching pajamas in front of their Christmas trees, I told Mike that I felt a little bad about not having a picture to post. He reminded me that is not real life - and I get that - but sometimes not real life is totally okay! I appreciate and enjoy looking at my friends' happy Christmas pictures - not because they are pretending they don't have problems - that's not it - they are just smiling and looking happy in the moment - and to me, there is nothing wrong with that!

But it still makes me a little sad that it is something difficult for us to achieve. I have wanted to get Christmas pajamas for our kids, but time ran out and some things have to give. I wish I liked baking and could bake with my kids, but I will leave that to Mike. I remember having the best Christmases ever as a kid - will my kids remember that about their childhoods? Or will they remember Mom who was a little grinchy (or maybe a lot). 

On Christmas eve, Easton sobbed for hours about Santa coming to the house and leaving cookies out for him. The whole concept of Santa stressed him out so much we may just do away with that idea altogether next year. Yesterday Grayson would not open any presents. Not one. He hid in his bedroom and then had a massive meltdown at my mom and dad's. Mike had the task of unwrapping all the presents that I lovingly wrapped for Grayson - though I knew he probably wouldn't open them. He has shown zero interest in what we got him - and that's okay. I set it aside for a rainy day or a snow day. Easton didn't like any of the presents we got him - was quite vocal about it -  and preferred to play with the Daniel Tiger trolley we purchased for Jovie instead. 

Jovie showed a lot of excitement and interest in the gifts that she was given, so maybe there is hope for her! :)

Maybe our tradition is to not have any traditions. To just be flexible to accommodate our kids and their anxieties around the holiday while keeping in mind my own anxiety about the holiday season!

Next year we will do things differently but I don't know what that means or what that will look like.