20 Weeks and Some Reflections
I hit the half-way mark in my pregnancy last week.
I have finally been feeling better and getting some energy back. The nesting has kicked in, and it irks me to have messy counters or the dishes in the sink or the boys' toys just laying around everywhere. I have major re-decoration plans in mind though they will probably never come to be anything.
I still don't have any type of appetite, and I have to force myself to eat. Nothing sounds good except maybe sometimes cheese fries.
I have been doing a lot of reflecting on this pregnancy, my pregnancies with the boys and that this will be our last kiddo. Since that's the case I always wonder if I have been cherishing this pregnancy enough.
I determined that I don't think I have.
Oh, I have had fun buying some clothes, discussing names, pulling out what baby items I had left (not many), every single heartbeat check, ultrasound and movement. I've been clearing our schedule so I can spend more time with the boys - especially Easton as he won't be my baby for much longer.
My doctor told me I need to take measures to decrease the amount of stress I have in my life during this pregnancy because I have been incredibly on-edge and anxious. When I was pregnant with Grayson, I was working, dealing with the stresses that came from Mike's new career, selling/buying a house and planning to make a move to another city. It was A LOT.
Now the stressers are different - I am not working, but I am the full-time caretaker for my four year old nonverbal son with special needs as well as being mom to him and his little brother. I spend my nights and my days not sleeping, worrying endlessly about the future, dealing with meltdowns and trying to keep it together. That kind of blows all the stress I ever had before out of the water, honestly.
I feel like a lot of things have taken my focus off this pregnancy and off my family unit - a lot of hormones for one but relationship issues on how I am not making other people happy. As a chronic people pleaser, I first felt despair over this but now I feel complete and total peace. I am not making someone happy? Oh well. I guess they will have to deal with that while I keep moving forward. That's not to say I would go out of my way to make people unhappy - but it is to say that my family is my very very first priority. Mike, my boys and now this baby.
So I have taken measures. I have tried to decrease the stress. It's been a little painful but mostly good. Mike and I talked the other day about the importance of really honing in on positive relationships in our lives - and the most positive relationships I have are with my little family, a few family members and some close friends. I am thankful for these relationships because they breathe life and encouragement into my everyday. They support me, flaws and all. I am forever thankful for them.
I do hope the next 19-some weeks go smoother than the first 20 weeks, but even if they don't, that's just life. I need to be a be better example to my kids on how to handle what life throws at me a little bit more graciously.
So yeah. Some deep and heavy reflecting over the last couple of weeks as I work to cherish this last pregnancy, these last days of a family of four, to stay healthy in body and in mind and to further live intentionally. <3
I have finally been feeling better and getting some energy back. The nesting has kicked in, and it irks me to have messy counters or the dishes in the sink or the boys' toys just laying around everywhere. I have major re-decoration plans in mind though they will probably never come to be anything.
I still don't have any type of appetite, and I have to force myself to eat. Nothing sounds good except maybe sometimes cheese fries.
I have been doing a lot of reflecting on this pregnancy, my pregnancies with the boys and that this will be our last kiddo. Since that's the case I always wonder if I have been cherishing this pregnancy enough.
I determined that I don't think I have.
Oh, I have had fun buying some clothes, discussing names, pulling out what baby items I had left (not many), every single heartbeat check, ultrasound and movement. I've been clearing our schedule so I can spend more time with the boys - especially Easton as he won't be my baby for much longer.
My doctor told me I need to take measures to decrease the amount of stress I have in my life during this pregnancy because I have been incredibly on-edge and anxious. When I was pregnant with Grayson, I was working, dealing with the stresses that came from Mike's new career, selling/buying a house and planning to make a move to another city. It was A LOT.
Now the stressers are different - I am not working, but I am the full-time caretaker for my four year old nonverbal son with special needs as well as being mom to him and his little brother. I spend my nights and my days not sleeping, worrying endlessly about the future, dealing with meltdowns and trying to keep it together. That kind of blows all the stress I ever had before out of the water, honestly.
I feel like a lot of things have taken my focus off this pregnancy and off my family unit - a lot of hormones for one but relationship issues on how I am not making other people happy. As a chronic people pleaser, I first felt despair over this but now I feel complete and total peace. I am not making someone happy? Oh well. I guess they will have to deal with that while I keep moving forward. That's not to say I would go out of my way to make people unhappy - but it is to say that my family is my very very first priority. Mike, my boys and now this baby.
So I have taken measures. I have tried to decrease the stress. It's been a little painful but mostly good. Mike and I talked the other day about the importance of really honing in on positive relationships in our lives - and the most positive relationships I have are with my little family, a few family members and some close friends. I am thankful for these relationships because they breathe life and encouragement into my everyday. They support me, flaws and all. I am forever thankful for them.
I do hope the next 19-some weeks go smoother than the first 20 weeks, but even if they don't, that's just life. I need to be a be better example to my kids on how to handle what life throws at me a little bit more graciously.
So yeah. Some deep and heavy reflecting over the last couple of weeks as I work to cherish this last pregnancy, these last days of a family of four, to stay healthy in body and in mind and to further live intentionally. <3
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