Lessons Learned
I have learned a lot of lessons this week.
Let me back up.
Soccer league sign-up is going on right now. Grayson is at the age where he can play now! He has been kicking a soccer ball around since he was walking, and heaven knows he loves to run. We are always looking for ways to wear him out, so I emailed the local soccer association and asked them how they usually handle kids with special needs. I assured them that Mike or I would always be there to help out with him, we would never just drop him off and leave him.
The response was not favorable, and they actually wrote it in such a way to discourage us from enrolling him.
I was disheartened. And then I was angry. I won't post the email here, but it was somewhat offensive and not at all educated about autism. They asked what his "level of autism" is and inquired about how aggressive he is. They said they need to consider the other kids. That if he plays he must always pay attention and follow the rules, and if we want to volunteer to coach we can but we must be aware of the fact we could not focus solely on our child.
Really?
I have been to four year old soccer games before in Columbus as our friends had a son who played. They pick flowers. They lay down in the grass. They run off the field. They refuse to play. Maybe sometimes they kick the ball. I am not sure that four year olds - even typical kids - always follow the rules.
I seethed all evening about the response I received until Mike came home and found me typing up drafts of heated, angry emails back to the board.
Some things to remember - and things that Mike was aware of when he arrived home:
- I am incredibly hormonal. This pregnancy has turned me into someone who wants to swear, and I don't actually EVER SWEAR. My pregnancy rage is a real thing.
- I am incredibly protective of Grayson. Even when I am not hormonal or pregnant. I just am.
Mike was angry too and had some choice words, but he is much more diplomatic than me so he sat down with me, still dressed in his uniform after a long shift, and typed out a heartfelt and pointed email to the board. We believe that once you open up a program like this to the community you have to have accommodations for ALL children.
Now let me say that I am a conservative at heart, and I am not entitled. I don't think they need to change things just to suit my kid. But I do think they could have been more diplomatic themselves and perhaps somewhat kinder. And with that said, I don't have it in me at this point in my life to start a league that is all inclusive. Maybe down the road, but not right now.
As I have told this story to people I have gotten different reactions: most have been furious along with me, others have been indifferent and people that I thought would be unhappy appear to care less.
Before we had Grayson, I probably would have asked myself what the big deal is - that it's a shame but what can you do? - and not give it another thought.
But Grayson has changed my entire worldview. Things I did not think were important at one time are immensely important to me because they will directly impact my son some day.
So my lessons learned:
- People do not view Grayson like Mike and I do.
- I honestly believe the board is more concerned about liability than anything else. And I do get that.
- Gray, at just four years old, does not have the same opportunities available to him as other typical four year olds. And that makes me incredibly sad.
- I am witnessing the every widening divide between Grayson and his peers, and it is hard to take.
- He is amazing, and we will overcome this.
Take heart because this story has a happy ending!
Mike's dad suggested I get in touch with the next town over because they have an active soccer program.
So I did. I sent them a message with a little bit of information about Grayson, and they wrote back - and among many kind things - they said "We would be honored to have him."
<3 <3 <3
So it looks like he will be playing soccer this spring after all!
Let me back up.
Soccer league sign-up is going on right now. Grayson is at the age where he can play now! He has been kicking a soccer ball around since he was walking, and heaven knows he loves to run. We are always looking for ways to wear him out, so I emailed the local soccer association and asked them how they usually handle kids with special needs. I assured them that Mike or I would always be there to help out with him, we would never just drop him off and leave him.
The response was not favorable, and they actually wrote it in such a way to discourage us from enrolling him.
I was disheartened. And then I was angry. I won't post the email here, but it was somewhat offensive and not at all educated about autism. They asked what his "level of autism" is and inquired about how aggressive he is. They said they need to consider the other kids. That if he plays he must always pay attention and follow the rules, and if we want to volunteer to coach we can but we must be aware of the fact we could not focus solely on our child.
Really?
I have been to four year old soccer games before in Columbus as our friends had a son who played. They pick flowers. They lay down in the grass. They run off the field. They refuse to play. Maybe sometimes they kick the ball. I am not sure that four year olds - even typical kids - always follow the rules.
I seethed all evening about the response I received until Mike came home and found me typing up drafts of heated, angry emails back to the board.
Some things to remember - and things that Mike was aware of when he arrived home:
- I am incredibly hormonal. This pregnancy has turned me into someone who wants to swear, and I don't actually EVER SWEAR. My pregnancy rage is a real thing.
- I am incredibly protective of Grayson. Even when I am not hormonal or pregnant. I just am.
Mike was angry too and had some choice words, but he is much more diplomatic than me so he sat down with me, still dressed in his uniform after a long shift, and typed out a heartfelt and pointed email to the board. We believe that once you open up a program like this to the community you have to have accommodations for ALL children.
Now let me say that I am a conservative at heart, and I am not entitled. I don't think they need to change things just to suit my kid. But I do think they could have been more diplomatic themselves and perhaps somewhat kinder. And with that said, I don't have it in me at this point in my life to start a league that is all inclusive. Maybe down the road, but not right now.
As I have told this story to people I have gotten different reactions: most have been furious along with me, others have been indifferent and people that I thought would be unhappy appear to care less.
Before we had Grayson, I probably would have asked myself what the big deal is - that it's a shame but what can you do? - and not give it another thought.
But Grayson has changed my entire worldview. Things I did not think were important at one time are immensely important to me because they will directly impact my son some day.
So my lessons learned:
- People do not view Grayson like Mike and I do.
- I honestly believe the board is more concerned about liability than anything else. And I do get that.
- Gray, at just four years old, does not have the same opportunities available to him as other typical four year olds. And that makes me incredibly sad.
- I am witnessing the every widening divide between Grayson and his peers, and it is hard to take.
- He is amazing, and we will overcome this.
Take heart because this story has a happy ending!
Mike's dad suggested I get in touch with the next town over because they have an active soccer program.
So I did. I sent them a message with a little bit of information about Grayson, and they wrote back - and among many kind things - they said "We would be honored to have him."
<3 <3 <3
So it looks like he will be playing soccer this spring after all!
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