33

In about a half hour, I will be turning 33.

I had a lot of high hopes for my birthday this year. Around Christmas, I began dreaming of a Sweet Sixteen Times 2 Plus 1 party. I even created a secret board on Pinterest and pinned dresses only the new-slimmed-down-Erin-by-May would wear.

I envisioned that my upper arms would fade back into the sticks they once were a decade ago instead of the "mom muscles" I currently have. I thought a black strapless dress would be awesome. A fancy dinner out with friends and no kids. (I was really dreaming.) Especially after being pretty pregnant last year and dealing with gestational diabetes, I was ready to party. (And that means drink Pepsi from a fancy glass and eat high calorie food. And maybe a milkshake for dessert.) I even pinned high heeled shoes on my Pinterest board. I haven't worn heels in over 3 years.

As I realized the slimming down doesn't really happen unless exercise and eating healthy occur, I abandoned that idea and decided to go with 33 Random Acts of Kindness. Mike and I talked about it months ago, planning and writing out what I would do with great aspirations of putting money aside to fund the RAOK because its not cheap. In theory, it's a great idea - but we are on a tight budget.

And then you know what? I just got tired. The winter months did a number on me. The kids did a number on me. My anxiety did a number on me and then some. The last thing I wanted to think about was getting another year older and the gray hair the upcoming year will bring.

So then I dismissed the RAOK idea and...my goal then was to just survive until my birthday. When asked what I wanted for gifts, I didn't even have any great ideas because I can think of a thousand things I would rather spend money on - like clothes for my kids. So. I told Mike all I wanted was a card. And he sweetly listened to me and got me the nicest card I think I have ever received. He did good.

A-year-ago-Erin would never have said such a thing.

At one time I would have been upset that Mike isn't going to be home on my birthday. At one time I would have been upset with just a card. At one time I would have been "What do you mean we aren't doing such and such - it's my birthday!" Even last year I would have been indignant that I had to take care of Grayson without any help. I just cringed when I typed that. But it's the truth. #thisisreallife (That's for you, Kelly J.)

I know. I sound like a spoiled brat.

But things change. I have changed. What's important to me on birthday? Getting Grayson's hearing tested. His appointment is tomorrow and its all I have been thinking about. Thankfully my good friend is going with us since Mike can't.

Tonight as the boys were winding down for bed, Grayson climbed up on my lap and snuggled in. I tickled his chubby legs and feet, and he giggled with delight. Then Easton snuggled in for his last bottle of the evening, and I just felt so happy. So content. So thankful for another year with my boys.

It's already a great birthday and it technically hasn't started yet.

I would be remiss if I didn't share about my best birthday ever though. The one where I first saw Grayson on the ultrasound. That was my 30th birthday, and one birthday that I will always treasure. That day things got real, our priorities changed and Mike and I grew up a lot - in the blink of an eye. I remember cradling this picture in my hand and excitedly showing the nurse at the doctor's office. Like she didn't see those every single day. She was thrilled for us though :)

Grayson 3 Years Ago

Grayson Now

Our little family <3

So yeah. Happy birthday to me. Bring on the gray hair :)