Today.

Today I had a breakthrough. By way of a breakdown.

You will not believe what I did today. I cannot believe what I did today.

So I was all frazzled this morning trying to get out of the house so I could take the babies to my parents and get to work for the staff meeting. I dropped the kids off at my mom's, and immediately Grayson begins to bawl. He LOVES Grandpa and Grandma's house, but he is getting some two-year molars and has been miserable the last few days. It broke my heart to leave him, but I knew he was in the best hands. I decided to go uptown to the coffee shop before I headed to church when it dawned on me that I hadn't taken my thyroid and heart medication.

I was instantly annoyed with myself because REALLY, ERIN?!?! I berated myself all the way home. I walked into the house and Mike was sitting in the kitchen making a grocery list. I told him that I was having a really hard morning, and as I went over to the cabinet to take my medication, Mike said, "Erin. You are burning the candle at both ends." He was right. This weekend I had been gone at a conference, and Mike recently was off work for a week because he hurt his back. And Grayson's speech therapy and Easton and the house and the dog and everything I had to do has weighed on me for days now. Plus I have never felt so ill-equipped as a mother as I have been since Mike went to seconds. (I know I am a good mom. I'm just saying.)

As he was saying this, I agreed with him. I grabbed one prescription bottle. A little white pill just like my heart medication. I popped it in my mouth, took a swig of water, looked down at the bottle and it was not my heart medication.

Let me repeat.

It.was.not.my.heart.medication.

It was Mike's Flexeril he had been taking for his back pain. It was a muscle relaxer.

I could not believe I did that. I could not believe I had actually done something so incredibly stupid.

I panicked. Full fledged panic attack complete with shortness of breath, crumpling to the floor and praying for my heart to not beat right out of my chest. I grabbed my phone and called my closest friend who is a pharmacist. She calmed me down and told me I would be fine but not to take my heart medication for today. 

And then. Then I burst into tears. Mike tried to calm me down but I was inconsolable. All of the plans I had made for today I could not do because of the debilitating effect of the muscle relaxer. So I slept all afternoon and woke up feeling incredibly groggy. If this post makes any sense to anyone it will be a miracle! :) THANK THE LORD Mike had the day off today.

Yes it could have been worse. I could have had some bad side effects from taking the beta blocker with the muscle relaxer but I didn't. And it was just one pill and not a handful of them! But still.

I am still in shock that today even happened.

But it opened my eyes. And probably your eyes too as you are reading this that I am certifiably insane. 

I need to cutback on my busy schedule. I need to ask for help. I need to get things in my home organized because it is true that a clutter-free and organized home cuts back on stress. I need less stress. I need to focus on my babies and my husband. All else is superfluous.

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