More thoughts on motherhood.
We have had a rough go at life the last few weeks. I know this has been somewhat reflected in what I write here on my blog and what I have posted on Facebok, but not the full scale of it. Let's just say it has truly been quite a month. Or two.
For example. On Thursday, Grayson's congestion was so bad that he gagged and threw up all over my brand new car. (Farewell, lovely new car smell.) Fortunately it was an isolated incident, but one I have ever had to deal with before. So that was a learning experience!
Come Friday, he began throwing these awful tantrums - similar to the ones he throws at diaper changes. He would toss himself back on the floor, cracking his head on the ground and he would just scream. It was exhausting and heart-breaking and I ended up in tears myself a time or two. Thankfully my mom came over to help for a little bit.
Saturday the tantrums were still coming, and I had to wake Mike up to help me with one that was a doozy. We went to my parents for a good portion of the day, and he was in considerably better spirits there. Only he started to limp. Out of the blue. He looked a little bit like a drunk. In fact, I am sure he would have failed field sobriety if it had been administered to him ;)
He staggered and stumbled around all weekend, and I made the mistake of Google-ing "16 month old with a limp." Word to the wise - DON'T GOOGLE THAT. You won't be able to sleep for a week.
On Monday, I had had enough of the limping. I called his doctor, and they got him in right away. Turns out he has an ear infection, and that is likely throwing off his balance and causing the tantrums because he was in so much discomfort. As I shared this on FB, I heard from several fellow mommies whose kids had similar limping problems after being hit with a bad cold. I found this to be very comforting!
Gray's doctor (a mommy to a Grayson too!) thought he should have hip xrays as a precaution.
Because I have been pregnant forever (or so it seems), I couldn't go in with him for the xrays, but thankfully my AMAZING mom was with me and she went in with him. He was not in any pain, just pretty furious and screamed for most of the time. I heard him quiet down a little bit and later learned it was because my mom was reciting his favorite book to him.
Of course I stood outside the xray room and bawled. Several nurses walked by, shooting me sympathetic looks while I struggled to compose myself.
No one warns you of these things before you become a mother - and even if they did, it just doesn't make an impact on you until you are in that moment where your baby is in distress and you can't do a darn thing about it.
Now 24 hours on an antibiotic, and we are seeing our old Grayson again - the one with the belly laughs, the cute giggles and the constant chattering. We have only seen glimpses of him over the last two weeks, so it is a relief for me to see his happiness! He is still limping around, but he seems a little steadier.
On top of everything, Mike has his worst cold in all of the 7.5 years we have been married - I seriously have never seen him feeling so terrible, my arrhythmia has only gotten worse in the third trimester and I failed my gestational diabetes glucose test and had to retake it today.
I think we need a vacation, don't you think?
I love the community of mommies and parents, because they lift me up. But of course with the good comes the bad, and someone inevitably says something that I think is probably uncalled for and I feel offended. I am chalking that up to my pregnancy hormones :) I know this is usually well-meaning advice, but I am so incredibly hard on myself. I hold myself to an impossibly high standard as a mother, but I am giving myself some grace.
The truth of the matter is Mike and I are doing the best we can in what we do for our family just like everyone else. And no one truly knows what's going on unless they have heard the whole story and we have specifically asked for advice or shared our hearts. So I just keep remembering that and we press forward. :)
For example. On Thursday, Grayson's congestion was so bad that he gagged and threw up all over my brand new car. (Farewell, lovely new car smell.) Fortunately it was an isolated incident, but one I have ever had to deal with before. So that was a learning experience!
Come Friday, he began throwing these awful tantrums - similar to the ones he throws at diaper changes. He would toss himself back on the floor, cracking his head on the ground and he would just scream. It was exhausting and heart-breaking and I ended up in tears myself a time or two. Thankfully my mom came over to help for a little bit.
Saturday the tantrums were still coming, and I had to wake Mike up to help me with one that was a doozy. We went to my parents for a good portion of the day, and he was in considerably better spirits there. Only he started to limp. Out of the blue. He looked a little bit like a drunk. In fact, I am sure he would have failed field sobriety if it had been administered to him ;)
He staggered and stumbled around all weekend, and I made the mistake of Google-ing "16 month old with a limp." Word to the wise - DON'T GOOGLE THAT. You won't be able to sleep for a week.
On Monday, I had had enough of the limping. I called his doctor, and they got him in right away. Turns out he has an ear infection, and that is likely throwing off his balance and causing the tantrums because he was in so much discomfort. As I shared this on FB, I heard from several fellow mommies whose kids had similar limping problems after being hit with a bad cold. I found this to be very comforting!
Gray's doctor (a mommy to a Grayson too!) thought he should have hip xrays as a precaution.
Because I have been pregnant forever (or so it seems), I couldn't go in with him for the xrays, but thankfully my AMAZING mom was with me and she went in with him. He was not in any pain, just pretty furious and screamed for most of the time. I heard him quiet down a little bit and later learned it was because my mom was reciting his favorite book to him.
Of course I stood outside the xray room and bawled. Several nurses walked by, shooting me sympathetic looks while I struggled to compose myself.
No one warns you of these things before you become a mother - and even if they did, it just doesn't make an impact on you until you are in that moment where your baby is in distress and you can't do a darn thing about it.
Now 24 hours on an antibiotic, and we are seeing our old Grayson again - the one with the belly laughs, the cute giggles and the constant chattering. We have only seen glimpses of him over the last two weeks, so it is a relief for me to see his happiness! He is still limping around, but he seems a little steadier.
On top of everything, Mike has his worst cold in all of the 7.5 years we have been married - I seriously have never seen him feeling so terrible, my arrhythmia has only gotten worse in the third trimester and I failed my gestational diabetes glucose test and had to retake it today.
I think we need a vacation, don't you think?
I love the community of mommies and parents, because they lift me up. But of course with the good comes the bad, and someone inevitably says something that I think is probably uncalled for and I feel offended. I am chalking that up to my pregnancy hormones :) I know this is usually well-meaning advice, but I am so incredibly hard on myself. I hold myself to an impossibly high standard as a mother, but I am giving myself some grace.
The truth of the matter is Mike and I are doing the best we can in what we do for our family just like everyone else. And no one truly knows what's going on unless they have heard the whole story and we have specifically asked for advice or shared our hearts. So I just keep remembering that and we press forward. :)
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