Diabetic.

A few weeks ago, I was talking to a sweet lady at church, and she was asking me about my pregnancy. I was telling her how it was going and I believe I said something along the lines of, "Well I told Mike that third trimester, I am going to eat what I want and buy whatever I want and actually ENJOY this pregnancy." (Because honestly, besides the ultrasounds and hearing heart tones, this pregnancy has been full of complications.)

Famous last words.

You see, this week I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes.

Any opportunity I had to eat what I wanted has now passed.

With Grayson, I took the glucose test and never looked back. Never had a problem, though maybe I should have considering all the weight gain and bloating I had with that pregnancy.

This pregnancy I have had a little weight gain and nearly no swelling. And I took the glucose test and failed it soundly. Every single time.

I was hopeful that I had passed the three hour test because that had been the experience of so many women I had talked to. My doctor told me that more times than not she sees women passing the three hour test than being diagnosed with gestational diabetes. I took that the wonderful elderly couple from church who sat with me for a portion of my testing time as a sign that maybe things would work out - that maybe my prayer would be answered that I would not have it. I guess God just thought I needed the extra encouragement. (And boy, did I!)

Then when I didn't hear from my doctor's office after several days, I thought I was home free.

On Monday the phone call came, and it was from my OB herself so I knew she did not have good news. After I hung up the phone with her, I called for Mike who was on vacation from work and was doing laundry upstairs. He came downstairs to find me dissolved into a puddle of tears. Tears that did not let up for days. Because I was MAD. SO SO MAD.

How could that had happened to me? Haven't I suffered enough? I railed against God and pretty much anyone who dared talked to me about it. As the anger built, so did my hostility towards the entire situation.

As I fought back tears meeting with the nurse as she taught me how to use my blood glucose monitor, I could just feel wave after wave of anger rushing over me. Not fair, not fair, not fair was the phrase that kept pulsing through my mind with every beat of my heart.

And when I met with my OB yesterday, she warned me that my sugar might skyrocket in the days to come and that there won't be anything I can do to control it. She said if that is the case I will be deemed a high risk pregnancy. She was just cautioning me, but I got a fresh wave of anger and it was all I could do not to glare at her. (And I love my OB so you know how bad it was!)

But I learned something pretty fast.

Anger wears a person out.

It makes them sick and tired, and snappish at the people who love them and want to help.

I did not want to spend the remaining 8 weeks of my pregnancy, stewing angrily.

So I decided to let it go. There is not one thing I can do about this situation to make it go away. Might as well just roll with the punches and look at the light at the end of the tunnel.

Maybe I needed to be broken further. Clearly I did because here I am. Almost 31 weeks pregnant, craving EVERY thing I can't have - from soda to ice cream. In fact I started a list to help me cope with the cravings - things I will eat after Easton is born. No really. I did start a list. Take a look.



I shared with my doctor that Mike was going to take me out for my birthday next week, and he and I were going to get a slice of peanut butter pie - something I have been hungry for. She assured me as long as I watch my portions and say - don't eat the entire pie - that I can eat what I want for my birthday. She said I will just have to be aware that my sugar might be higher that day. That gave me some peace of mind.

SO...This is my new reality. Strict diet and pricking my fingers to test my blood five times a day. The first 10 times I pricked my fingers, it was very dramatic. Today however, I haven't had any problems with it and it doesn't hurt as bad as I thought. In fact the worst part is, I am starving, and I am sure that will be remedied after I meet with the dietician on Monday and she can give me a better idea of what I can and cannot eat.

I started watching my diet immediately and to this moment anyway have not had any problems keeping my sugar in the correct range.

Maybe those are some more famous last words.

Also anything that is titled a "soft point needle" is a huge oxymoron. No such thing!