Today Mike and I experienced the most beautiful thing - hearing our baby's heartbeat. I glanced over at Mike once the nurse located the heartbeat, and we locked eyes. We seemed to be thinking the same thing at the same time - WHOA. This just got real.

Oh don't get me wrong, it has set in that we are pregnant. Heck, I'm already sporting a bump that rivals some of the moms-to-be who are several months ahead of me! I've got the mood swings, the crying, almost throwing up whenever I take a bite to eat, the whole nine yards. We've seen the pictures of our little one, but the heartbeat - it's a pretty big deal.

Probably like most new moms-to-be, especially the first time around, I have been dealing with worry. I hate worry. It is something I have struggled with since I was a kid, and I have overcome a lot of my anxiety. Mike has a potentially dangerous job, but do I worry about him? Not at all. So I've come along way, I think, but probably compared to the masses, I still worry too much.

Or maybe I shouldn't say worry - maybe I should say concerns?

Yeah that doesn't make me sound quite as neurotic ;)

So a few of my concerns:

-Mike works nights, so I'll be up all night and all day with this baby by myself? How is THAT going to work?

-I am super jealous of my time with Mike since we don't have much of it together. How are we going to handle that?

-How is Daisy going to react? How can I help her get ready for our new addition?

-Are we going to sell our house? Am I going to be able to nest at all in a house that we can't truly live in? All of our personal belongings are packed into dozens of crates in our basement. Whether it be this house or another one - I want to LIVE in my house again.


Okay I am stopping myself, because as I am looking back at my list I realize how incredibly shallow I sound. Wow, really, Erin? I'm asking myself right now. I have SO much to be thankful for! My awesome husband, supportive family, good friends, a roof over my head, food on the table and no REAL concerns.

I am blessed.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

43 and worried

I turned 43 yesterday.  A few weeks ago, I had to get my license renewed. I was feeling okay until I pulled out my old license and went to hold it up against my new license image. Mike caught me doing this, and he said, "NO! Don't do it, Erin!" which made us both laugh until I looked down and was shocked by the contrast. Four years ago, 20 pounds lighter (at least), smiling, hair perfectly done (or as well as I could do hair which isn't ever that great), I looked at least my age. Mike once remarked that of all the many license pictures he sees, mine was a really great picture. (But I know four years ago, life was no easier than it is now - in some ways it was harder.) But then the current picture. No life in the eyes or maybe just a lot of sadness, an abundance of wrinkles, hair that was out of place, and attempt at a half-hearted smile and a few additional chins. Haggard is the word that came to mind. Stress has not been kind to my appearance. I mentioned this to my ...
Read more

He's he-ere!

Image
Introducing... Grayson Michael Born 11/25/12 at 3:02 am Grayson entered the world via emergency c-section. Mike got to step into the role of Daddy immediately and went with the baby while I was in the recovery room. They got to spend some time bonding in the nursery. Grayson is such a joy! He and his daddy hit it off immediately. There is nothing more attractive than watching your husband turn into a daddy. Be still my heart. We were in the hospital for SO many days...I could not wait to get home. I missed my bed. Which funny enough, I haven't gotten to sleep in since that first night home. Taking the steps more than once a day is just too difficult right now. So for now, we have been crashing on the couch. Unfortunately Gray had problems with jaundice, and he had light therapy with a bili blanket. Mike told people his son was rocking a low profile LED light bar - just like a police cruiser ;)  I love his little frowny face :) ...
Read more

Ready for the next season...

Image
Usually I love spring. But this year is a different story. Spring has been mostly gray, cold and dreary - and with it, it has brought a great deal of heartache. With the uptick in aggressive behaviors from Grayson (thanks a lot, puberty) and the realization that we are now a year into being provider-less, to being told that Gray was too severe for one provider company, to having to research and call around to group homes to see if they are a good fit for Gray,  to Grayson's constant elopement attempts, to realizing that Grayson goes to therapy and comes home...he has very little to do for fun and he has no one outside of the family or his dedicated therapists to invest in him.  To make matters worse, right now Grayson gets very upset - to the point of property-damaging, when either Mike or I leave the house without him. His team is going to work on that, but it has been very limiting what we can do. The walks I used to take that I enjoyed so much to clear my head are in the pa...
Read more