Temper Tantrum
I lost my temper today.
Don't get me wrong, I get angry just like everyone else. But I rarely ever lose my temper and pop off. It takes a lot. And today was the straw that broke the camel's back so to speak. The yelling, the crying, the whole nine yards. I was a puffy-eyed, red-faced, drippy-nosed mess. Not attractive. I try really hard to control what I say when I am angry because I am always afraid I will do permanent damage with my words in the heat of the moment. This time, I had no filter and I was astonished by how the hurt and anger consumed me so quickly.
It was over something that was nothing and everything at the same time. My feelings got hurt again by something that has plagued me for awhile now. The long and the short of it is this - Sometimes I feel like I am invisible. That when people look at Mike and me, they discount me immediately because Mike is such a fun dynamic character, and I am so reserved. To some people, I feel like I don't matter to them and they don't care one bit about me. And I think this is probably the truth too, based on the way I have been treated.
And that, friends, is a hard thing to deal with. Especially since I was born a people pleaser. It is something I struggle with on a daily basis.
Needless to say, I am glad that episode is over with and I can move on. Now that I am out of that frame of mind, I realized that I don't like my Scot-Irish temper. Not one bit. It is destructive.
With that being said: Dear Temper, how nice of you to visit me, but you are not welcome here again. Sincerely, E.
Don't get me wrong, I get angry just like everyone else. But I rarely ever lose my temper and pop off. It takes a lot. And today was the straw that broke the camel's back so to speak. The yelling, the crying, the whole nine yards. I was a puffy-eyed, red-faced, drippy-nosed mess. Not attractive. I try really hard to control what I say when I am angry because I am always afraid I will do permanent damage with my words in the heat of the moment. This time, I had no filter and I was astonished by how the hurt and anger consumed me so quickly.
It was over something that was nothing and everything at the same time. My feelings got hurt again by something that has plagued me for awhile now. The long and the short of it is this - Sometimes I feel like I am invisible. That when people look at Mike and me, they discount me immediately because Mike is such a fun dynamic character, and I am so reserved. To some people, I feel like I don't matter to them and they don't care one bit about me. And I think this is probably the truth too, based on the way I have been treated.
And that, friends, is a hard thing to deal with. Especially since I was born a people pleaser. It is something I struggle with on a daily basis.
Needless to say, I am glad that episode is over with and I can move on. Now that I am out of that frame of mind, I realized that I don't like my Scot-Irish temper. Not one bit. It is destructive.
With that being said: Dear Temper, how nice of you to visit me, but you are not welcome here again. Sincerely, E.
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